I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
