FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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