just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
