i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
