Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
