Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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