Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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