apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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