The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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