My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
i think im in europe. pls send help
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
