Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
