i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It's blow job season.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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