While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Randomize
