Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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