Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Sorry about my life...
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
