how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
