omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
