All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
