tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
