First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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