I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
