That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
