I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
