I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
