She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
