But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
