I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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