I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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