I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
