someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
