Swine flu. Run for my life!
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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