the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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