I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
