I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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