I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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