That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
