Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
