Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
