dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
