I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
