dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
