Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
