Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
