I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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