ya dads aren't the best wingmen
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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