Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
