my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You've changed since you got that strap on
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
