i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Redeem this text for a blowjob
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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