We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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