just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
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