Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
