genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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