i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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