i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
