we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
