It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
